End of the Year

This year has been absolutely a mess for me. It began great with me celebrating it in South East Asia only to have that hit the fan in the summer (relationship wise). And it is going out like nothing mattered, that happiness only comes with pain and that people can be more sadistic than you expect. So what more do you want?
In some way I would like everything to end, why? Since it will bring judgment and karma upon everyone, so those who hurt me would get it back... worse. But seriously, that is unlikely to happen. We are more likely to go through a rough period and possibly the beginning of another war. Cynical? Yes I know I am, but hey when everyone out there isn't listening when millions of others are screaming fire (about the environmental problems)... isn't that worse? Not to mention all those consumed in buying stuff that they will not use. Just like as the world's collective economy is falling, it is like just digging the whole deeper.
I hope the changes we need to do are going to be done in the new year but that is asking for A LOT.

I am on the fence on a few things I want to do in the new year. One is possibly going to Iceland for a week or so and the other (not related) is to take up black smithing since I've been interested in that since I was young. For me what makes these decisions tough is the fact of the costs of them and whether or not it worth it or not considering what is going on in our world.

All I really hope for next year is for me to get into my program. Since i found out about this program in late 2008 I wanted to get, so this year is my chance to move forward quite a bit and get closer to my goal. But like I said before that is only possible if the world improves instead of getting worse.

The thing is... How does one hope for change when literally you feel there is nothing left to hope for? I feel like my heart has been ripped out this year, that i have been taken advantage of and abused and now I am suppose to pick up the pieces and move on? It is a so much harder than it sounds, and making it worse is the fact that i am a sensitive individual. I do not want to give my heart away again only to end up broken and plus I also do not want those who have hurt me to get of scot-free. Double edged, and yes i know.

So where do I stand and where does this leave me? I have options and room to move to be like this, I just have to treat carefully. Adding my virtues and morales  makes it a little bit easier. Heh, in some way i want to charge someone and unleash hell just so I know how vicious I can be. But well, I have not done that yet and hope not to do that anytime soon to my friends, family and others close to me. Luckily that takes a lot for me to get pushed that far.

This is where i leave it, asking for the new year to be better and not worse. Hoping to meet someone new who will complete me. And waiting patiently for those who've crossed me to get what they deserve. I am looking forward to the new experiences!