This year has been absolutely a mess for me. It began great with me celebrating it in South East Asia only to have that hit the fan in the summer (relationship wise). And it is going out like nothing mattered, that happiness only comes with pain and that people can be more sadistic than you expect. So what more do you want?
In some way I would like everything to end, why? Since it will bring judgment and karma upon everyone, so those who hurt me would get it back... worse. But seriously, that is unlikely to happen. We are more likely to go through a rough period and possibly the beginning of another war. Cynical? Yes I know I am, but hey when everyone out there isn't listening when millions of others are screaming fire (about the environmental problems)... isn't that worse? Not to mention all those consumed in buying stuff that they will not use. Just like as the world's collective economy is falling, it is like just digging the whole deeper.
I hope the changes we need to do are going to be done in the new year but that is asking for A LOT.
I am on the fence on a few things I want to do in the new year. One is possibly going to Iceland for a week or so and the other (not related) is to take up black smithing since I've been interested in that since I was young. For me what makes these decisions tough is the fact of the costs of them and whether or not it worth it or not considering what is going on in our world.
All I really hope for next year is for me to get into my program. Since i found out about this program in late 2008 I wanted to get, so this year is my chance to move forward quite a bit and get closer to my goal. But like I said before that is only possible if the world improves instead of getting worse.
The thing is... How does one hope for change when literally you feel there is nothing left to hope for? I feel like my heart has been ripped out this year, that i have been taken advantage of and abused and now I am suppose to pick up the pieces and move on? It is a so much harder than it sounds, and making it worse is the fact that i am a sensitive individual. I do not want to give my heart away again only to end up broken and plus I also do not want those who have hurt me to get of scot-free. Double edged, and yes i know.
So where do I stand and where does this leave me? I have options and room to move to be like this, I just have to treat carefully. Adding my virtues and morales makes it a little bit easier. Heh, in some way i want to charge someone and unleash hell just so I know how vicious I can be. But well, I have not done that yet and hope not to do that anytime soon to my friends, family and others close to me. Luckily that takes a lot for me to get pushed that far.
This is where i leave it, asking for the new year to be better and not worse. Hoping to meet someone new who will complete me. And waiting patiently for those who've crossed me to get what they deserve. I am looking forward to the new experiences!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
30 Days Later
I have been busy to say the least, and in doing so I was unable to update my blog as much as I planned to.
Back in November I went to an interesting documentary presentation at my college about how Cuba survived their own peak oil crisis and how the rest of the should learn from them. It also brought up points that we have already hit peak oil back in 1970 and ever since then it has been declining. And it also pointed out how bad oil based chemical fertilizers are for the soil, and instead we should use organic fertilizers. Urban agriculture is of course the largest part for us to switch over to an oil free future, but to do so, we need to show those of us around who do not understand that it is possible and it has to be done immediately.
Earlier in December at the monthly EGB meeting; Special guests were invited (Architect, Urban Planner/Ecologist, and Mechanical Engineer [No names due to anonymity]) to talk charades about re building a section of downtown into a much more sustainable, efficient and green environment. Think of it like Urban Ecology, which is was title of this meeting. I found this really great to go to, but i also realized during it all that is way to difficult now to create change. Change has to occur on all levels and all levels have to agree before the proposed change can even start to begin to put through. So therefore change is deterred for the shear fact people do not want it. They put barriers up and make it more difficult than it should be.
The thing I have found the most, shocking, to me at least was how much this year has change for me. Not for the better nor for the worse. During the Winter and Spring this year I was still in a long distance relationship; I suffered and grieved during the summer when she mistreated, abused, and broke up with me and now, this Christmas (December, but close enough) here I am again single and confused about all what has happened.
How is it that we when something is good we don't appreciated it when we should and only when everything starts falling to pieces we turn to the closest person or thing to blame literally everything on. Oh it is THIS because YOU did THIS. Like where is the logic in that? A+B+C+D=Z? What the Hell? That is like saying you know everything and you should be aloud to do anything! Which is being quite dogmatic.
I just don't know where I stand now a days. I know where I am going, and i have a plan B (going to Wyotech to learn Custom Automotive Fabrication, for those wondering), hopefully not going to have to go down that road. I realize that the past cannot be changed but I am able to shape the future. And I know that there is someone out there for me... somewhere. It is just a matter of time when we meet.
As for the rest of our fickle world. What else is there so say when everything has been said? What else can be done when very few listen? Who does one turn to create change that is needed oh so bad? Questioning what must be done is worth the words on the page won't suffice since no answers are given and only time will tell who the true and real leaders are.
Back in November I went to an interesting documentary presentation at my college about how Cuba survived their own peak oil crisis and how the rest of the should learn from them. It also brought up points that we have already hit peak oil back in 1970 and ever since then it has been declining. And it also pointed out how bad oil based chemical fertilizers are for the soil, and instead we should use organic fertilizers. Urban agriculture is of course the largest part for us to switch over to an oil free future, but to do so, we need to show those of us around who do not understand that it is possible and it has to be done immediately.
Earlier in December at the monthly EGB meeting; Special guests were invited (Architect, Urban Planner/Ecologist, and Mechanical Engineer [No names due to anonymity]) to talk charades about re building a section of downtown into a much more sustainable, efficient and green environment. Think of it like Urban Ecology, which is was title of this meeting. I found this really great to go to, but i also realized during it all that is way to difficult now to create change. Change has to occur on all levels and all levels have to agree before the proposed change can even start to begin to put through. So therefore change is deterred for the shear fact people do not want it. They put barriers up and make it more difficult than it should be.
The thing I have found the most, shocking, to me at least was how much this year has change for me. Not for the better nor for the worse. During the Winter and Spring this year I was still in a long distance relationship; I suffered and grieved during the summer when she mistreated, abused, and broke up with me and now, this Christmas (December, but close enough) here I am again single and confused about all what has happened.
How is it that we when something is good we don't appreciated it when we should and only when everything starts falling to pieces we turn to the closest person or thing to blame literally everything on. Oh it is THIS because YOU did THIS. Like where is the logic in that? A+B+C+D=Z? What the Hell? That is like saying you know everything and you should be aloud to do anything! Which is being quite dogmatic.
I just don't know where I stand now a days. I know where I am going, and i have a plan B (going to Wyotech to learn Custom Automotive Fabrication, for those wondering), hopefully not going to have to go down that road. I realize that the past cannot be changed but I am able to shape the future. And I know that there is someone out there for me... somewhere. It is just a matter of time when we meet.
As for the rest of our fickle world. What else is there so say when everything has been said? What else can be done when very few listen? Who does one turn to create change that is needed oh so bad? Questioning what must be done is worth the words on the page won't suffice since no answers are given and only time will tell who the true and real leaders are.
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